I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
