Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
