No stitches, just platelets and will power
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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