you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
