she was so not down for the gang bang
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
