Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
