yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
