No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
