If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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