I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
