Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
