I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
