I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need to calm my uterus...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
