Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The Olympian is in my bed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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