I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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