Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
