for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
