Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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