ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
