You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is Oprah even human
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
