we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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