i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
