I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
