just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
