You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
