I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
