White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
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