Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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