I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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