I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
