at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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