You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
