She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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