I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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