Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
