he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
