Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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