I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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