I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Text me some of your sweat
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
