cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
