there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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