where am i from again
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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