dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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