You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
