the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
