The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
