i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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