i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
