just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think my moral compass just broke
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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