so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
