Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
