Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
