Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
